Remember that poster that was hanging in every teachers’ lounge in America back in the mid-’90s entitled, “All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten”? It included important lessons about sharing, playing fair, and saying you’re sorry. These are important things to remember, for sure. But at some point in the past few years, between graduating college, living abroad, and getting a real job to pay real bills, I’ve realized that sometimes those simple lessons learned in the half-days of story time and Play-Doh won’t cut it. I’ve had to look elsewhere for advice, glean my guiding principles from someone more in touch with the happenings of a 20-something in America today. Thank goodness for Donald Trump.
That’s right: All I Really Need to Know, I Learned from “The Apprentice”:
- Milk your brand for all it’s worth. Got a project that isn’t bringing in the big bucks the way it once was? Just make a CELEBRITY version of it and watch your name rise to the top once again.
- Rules are made to be broken, especially when you’re the rule-maker. Just be sure to throw in a nice rule change once every five changes or so in order to keep the game players from feeling completely dejected.
- Make everyone call you Mr. or Ms. whatever your name is, even if your resume isn’t nearly as impressive as his or hers. As long as you’re in charge, you can command this (pseudo) respect.
- You’re allowed to be fickle. Your final word one week may not be your final word the next, and that’s okay. It’s better to keep people on their toes than to remain consistent in your ideals.
- Be a big lover and supporter of everything and everyone, especially those things and people that give you lots of money to have you say good things about them.
- Decisions can – and sometimes should – be made with a basis entirely in the emotional. If you don’t like someone, you can get rid of him or her for no other reason. Just don’t do this every episode….I mean, in every situation.
- There’s no such thing as bad publicity. Start feuds. Go on the record. Make promises you can’t keep. As long as you’re making headlines and trending on Twitter, you’re accomplishing something.
- Judge people based on looks. Always.
- Keep good company. Your token right hand man and woman, even though their opinions will weigh nothing in your final decision, make you look better.
- Never stop dispensing little nuggets of wisdom. Entire empires are built on taglines.
Discover your own love of Mr. Trump every Sunday night on “The Celebrity Apprentice.” With only three episodes left, the time for self-improvement is now.